The Mindful Pause: A Guide to Thoughtful Living.
So, you've heard the whispers, seen the light, and maybe even tried that magical little trick called "The Pause?"
If you're anything like me or my clients, you've realized it's not just a fleeting moment of zen; it's a full-blown game-changer! We've all been there, caught in the rapid-fire chaos of our own thoughts, but guess what? There’s a better way to navigate the verbal tornado of life.
Why is the PAUSE so important? Long story short, it helps us to relate to others in a meaningful way. It allows the individual to have control over their emotions, not their emotions running them. Feelings are not Facts…..but sometimes they can feel like it, that is where the work needs to begin!
Let's unpack why giving your brain that precious few seconds is like handing it a frozen drink on a hot day, enabling you to transform from reactive to remarkably chill and present.
Unlocking Your Inner Calm: Hit the Brakes in Your Brain in 8-10 seconds.
Ever feel like your brain is a runaway train, especially when someone says something that makes you go, "Huh? Are they judging me?" or "Are they treating me like I'm not even HERE?". Before you launch into a full-blown emotional monologue, what if you could just… pause?
Think of "The Pause" as your personal emotional dimmer switch. It's not just about stopping; it's about creating a crucial gap between that irritating trigger and your automatic, "knee-jerk" reaction. This isn't just some woo-woo concept; it's neuroscience in action! This little moment gives your wise prefrontal cortex (your thinking center) a chance to step in and gently override your amygdala's dramatic "fight-or-flight" performance.
Seriously, "The Pause" is a game changer! Whether you're navigating the world with ADHD or just, well, living, this strategy helps slow down our often-speeding brains. It allows your thoughts to catch up with the emotional roller coaster your amygdala might be taking you on. In those moments of conversational confusion, it's about filtering out all the "noise" in your head, taking a breath, and actually being present. The result? Composure, not reactivity!.
So, next time your brain starts to sprint, hit that dimmer switch. Your calm, collected self will thank you.
The Benefits of the 8-10 second Pause?
Stress Less, Live More: By hitting pause, you literally trigger your body's relaxation response, dialing down those pesky stress hormones like cortisol. Hello, "rest and digest" mode; goodbye, frazzled nerves!
Know Thyself: Taking that moment helps you tap into your feelings, giving you clarity to identify what's truly bugging you instead of just reacting to the surface-level stuff. Talk about next-level self-awareness!
Communicate Like a Pro: Ever blurt something out and instantly regret it? Pausing gives you the ability to process what's been said and allows you to choose your words wisely. The result? More thoughtful, compassionate, and constructive conversations, with way fewer misunderstandings. Your loved ones (and coworkers) will thank you!
Master of Decisions: In the heat of the moment, decisions can be rushed and, well, regrettable. That glorious space created by a pause allows for crystal-clear thinking, helping you make choices that actually align with your values and long-term goals. No more face-palming yourself after a conversation….We have all been there!
Bye-Bye Regret: Those impulsive comments or actions that haunt you? "The Pause" is your personal regret-prevention device. It lets you "lower your emotional temperature" before things boil over.
How to Hit the Pause Button: The S.T.O.P. Skill.
Ready to master this mindful magic? The S.T.O.P. Skill, created by Marsha Linehan, is a go to tool in Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT), and assists in regulating emotions.
S - Stop: Seriously, just freeze! Don't say or do the next reactive thing. Resist that urge!
T - Take a breath: A few deep, slow breaths are like a mini-meditation for your nervous system. Instant calm, just add air. Gain some perspective.
O - Observe: What's going on inside? Non-judgmentally notice your thoughts and feelings. No need to fix them, just observe them.
P - Proceed with awareness: Now, move forward intentionally. Choose a response that's thoughtful, aligned with your values, and truly serves you and not your emotions!
And remember the wisdom of Victor Frankl: "Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom." The Pause expands your options and lets you respond to facts rather than just react with emotions.
Pro-Tip: Start small! Practice pausing before you reply to an email or a text. Look at the email or text again, but with a different lens, take the emotion out, look at the facts. Is it still O.K. to send or do you want to tweak it? It’s a low-stakes way to build this powerful habit.
Busting Barriers: Making Pausing Part of Your Routine
The biggest hurdle? Simply not making pausing a regular thing. But you can overcome this by consciously making it part of your daily routine.
We know it's tough when you're super emotional or around certain "trigger" people – family, friends, even colleagues. They might not let you speak, or they might be looking for a reaction. But by practicing, you build your "pause muscle" for those challenging moments. Take a moment to ask yourself: Am I reacting to what is being said as an adult in this moment, or is an unexpressed childhood emotion surfacing now? How old does that part feel to you? Does that part of you feel like it's an 8, 10, or 15-year-old having an emotional reaction? Deep, right? But incredibly insightful, possibly explaining many of our worst moments!
The Science is In: Your Brain Needs a Break!
Still not convinced? Let's talk science! Your brain isn't built for non-stop hustle; it thrives on cycles of focus and rest. Are you constantly putting out fires at work, only to go home and face the demands of your children and whatever else life throws your way? That's a recipe for cognitive fatigue, which tanks your ability to concentrate, solve problems, and even be creative. It only boosts your potential for mistakes and makes you feel more emotional at times. – decidedly unproductive and also short tempered!
Taking breaks allows your brain to hit reset, activating something called the Default Mode Network. This is your brain's "wakeful rest" mode – think daydreaming, mind-wandering. While it might feel like "wasted time," it's absolutely crucial! This network is linked to creativity, introspection, processing your actions, long-term memory, and even your sense of self.
It’s the ultimate balancing act: engaging for purpose and well-being, but also disengaging to prevent constant rumination and to get stuff done!
Incorporating the Pause into your day.
Ready to weave this magic into your everyday life?
Mindfully be Present in the Moment and Your Body: Notice when you may become activated. Pause (8-10 seconds), regain your composure and become present. Practice even when you are alone.
Distancing: A pause can give you a fresh perspective, helping you spot errors in judgment about someone's tone or intention. This allows you to ask for clarification, preventing misunderstandings and keeping the conversation on track.
Calm: Stay calm and present. Avoid reactive outbursts. Identify whether you're reacting to emotions (like the desire to be right) or to facts. Express your point of view without needing to argue.